Part 1 - Dukkha, Dharma, and The Abyss

(Originally written January 13, 2009)

Part 1 - Dukkha, Dharma, and The Abyss
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It's Always Darkest Right Before It Goes Completely Black.

My emotional state lives in a small shack on the edge of The Abyss. I can make it the proverbial Clean, Well-Lighted Hovel as much as I want, but the reality is that The Abyss is never far away and there's always a danger that the ground will shift and I may again fall in.

For whatever reason (reasons), that is the nature of me. 

Leni has asked specifically about what I did to survive the last time I fell in to The Abyss, how I "got over" it. I pointed out to her that there's no clear indication that I *have* gotten over it.

Last night, I watched the episode of Numbers (NUMB3RS) titled "Arrow of Time". It was one of the more philosophical scripts in the show's catalog. Yeah, there was some running and shooting, but mostly it was about two things:

1) Time's Arrow Points One Direction Only, and
2) You Can Only Control What You Have In Your Hand.

The Arrow of Time is a fascinating concept in science and philosophy. All observable evidence indicates that the order of the universe is unidirectional. Entropy, decay, expansion, equilibrium, these are all things that say to the observer, "One Way" going forward and "Do Not Enter" going backward.

All Faith (Capital -F), regardless of its manner of expression, accounts for the assertion that an individual person has both a past and a future, and that the present is what will convert the one into the other.

For myself, I tend to be a Soft Determinist. I tend to believe that the sum of the past has created this moment in which there are limited options of choice, and that will determine the next moment, but there is some measure of Free Will in that moment. 

On the other hand, I do have many moments where I slip in to Hard Determinism where you can take it one step further and say the appearance of Free Will is just another item in the calc sum of the past. My Free Will choice is predetermined. That's the Calvinist in me.

Either way, Soft- or Hard Deterministic, I am in the moment and I have to make a choice. The moment doesn't care. If I sit and navel gaze, the moment will move on, the past will be recalculated, and the next moment will be upon me. 

The point is to keep moving.

Having said all that, there is a fascinating problem with The Arrow of Time. Despite all the observable evidence to the contrary, there exist an Infinitesimally Small But Non-Zero (I love that phrase) chance that Time's Arrow will reverse. A Balloon will contract in the heat, a broken vase will reassemble itself, a cup of hot tea will revert to a bag of leaves and hot water. Read the very short book Einstein's Dreams, and pay attention to the dream about the reverse of entropy. 

How does this affect my faith? It remind me that there is mystery in the universe. I, as a single individual with limited perception, limited information, and limited capabilities, cannot possibly know the Butterfly in South America will create my next snow storm. 

Some people express this as God Has A Plan For Me. That's a perfectly acceptable manner of expression, as long as you also take responsibility for knowing that this moment, this one right now, where all things seem blackest, is also part of that plan. God also expects you to get up off yer lazy butt and DO SOMETHING.

Leni, you are an Actor, and I am a Producer. Actors create the art, create the moment. Producers Make Things Happen. Well, here's a place where you have to be a Producer: Make Things Happen. You have limited choices, but you do have choices. If you don't like your current set of choices, then work to make new options, that too is a choice.

Thus endeth today's lesson. Let us meditate upon it.
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