Part 11 – Change is in the Doing

Part 11 – Change is in the Doing


I was born not knowing and have had only a little time to change that here and there.
 -- Richard Feynman (1918 – 1988)

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Bento took a moment to consider all that Tashiki had said.  He looked at Qindao and asked, "And you?"


Qindao smiled with a touch of grimace.  The time away from The School had hot been easy for him either.


"My friend Tashiki studies to be a Scholar.  I study to be a Warrior.  Both of us have struggled on our paths.  We challenge each other, and support each other, but ultimately each of us have to pursue our chosen path alone.


"While Tashiki was pondering the nature of Love, I was confronted with the quandry of action and inaction.  At what point does one allow things to happen, as opposed to taking up arms against a sea of troubles?"


Bento challenged Qindao in return, "Shakespeare will not save you now."


Tashiki laughed quietly at that.


"It is no secret that I was unhappy where I was.  It's not that I disliked the people, or the circumstances.  I really did love them all.  I felt trapped, cornered, and exiled.  There is a lot of that I still feel.  I had to make a change, though.


"For me, Change is in the Doing.  Tashiki disagrees.  He says that Change is in the Thinking.  We fight about this all the time.


"You may have heard some of my story, Young Bento, from other students.  I am no stranger to Radical Disconnect.  I have done it, more than once which kind of defeats the purpose, but there you have it.  I have had some success in redefining my life and my surroundings on my own terms.  This time is different.


"Aka had come with me to this new place.  She stayed for a while.  She decided that this place was not for her, and neither was I.  She has left.  I am sad, and relieved, and confused.  But she has done what she felt she needed to do.  Change is in the Doing.


"I continue to be surprised at the amount of grief I continue to feel about her departure.  I should be able to grab on to the positive things for her and for me, but many time I can not.  Tashiki tries to explain that to me, but I do not understand as well as he does.


"So, I try to find things to Do that will support my Change.  It is not easy.  I crave structure.  I crave the stability of a path, a game, rules that define progress. The Master, and the rest of the students take great delight in showing me where that is completely wrong.  Even Tashiki reminds me nearly daily that there is no success other than what I make on my own terms.


"To me that does not make sense.  I can choose a mediocre level of success and easily attainable goal and call it success.  What good is that?  I revile the people in the world who celebrate good enough as Good Enough.  I have no respect for people who call themselves successful just because they can.  I want to ask them, what have you really done to affect change?  What have you done that makes you a better person than you were yesterday?  What have you done that makes me want to be near you?


"And yet, I know that is completely inside-out, backward, and wrong.  Each person has their own path.  Each person must define success on their own terms.  The problem lies in the language and expression more than it does in the heart.  There are not separate words for personal progress as opposed to generalized success and victory."


Qindao paused pondering something that he just revealed in himself.


Bento took some time to respect Qindao's thoughts.  But then he pressed on, "That still doesn't explain where you've been, Qindao-tzu."


Qindao sighed, heavy and audible.  "No, it does not."


Qindao stood and took a few steps over to the edge of the pond.  The two others watched.  Qindao looked into the water to see the koi and carp circle each other.  He saw the yin and yang they represent, the light and the dark, creation and destruction, male and female.  


The garden stood still for a moment in time.  The leaves still rustled in the breeze, the water ran, the fish swam, and the ducks made small quack sounds.  Time had stopped for Qindao, though.  


He was on the edge of something.  he did not know what.


Perhaps this was his destiny.  He always felt on the edge of something and never quite there.  Always... never.

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Thus endeth the lesson let us meditate upon it.


Changes, by David Bowie


Still don't know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets and
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But Ive never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
Im much too fast to take that test


Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Don't want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can't trace time


I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence
So the days float through my eyes
But stil the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware of what they're going through


Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Don't tell them to grow up and out of it
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Wheres your shame
Youve left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can't trace time


Strange fascination, fascinating me
Ah changes are taking the pace Im going through


Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Oh, look out you rock n rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Pretty soon now you're gonna get a little older
Time may change me
But I can't trace time
I said that time may change me
But I can't trace time